提升他人應是你的義務。
問：一段（感情）關係會否提升或是抑制一個人的靈性成長？
古儒吉：兩者都可能發生。如果你的夥伴也是在這條路上，同時瞭解你，這將可提升你們倆人。如果其中一人感到疑惑，另一位伴侶可以幫助你穿越疑惑。如果一人沒做練習，另一名伴侶可以推動對方一起做練習，並給予鼓勵，推動彼此一起走向修行之道。這就是兩個人相互推動扶持的力量。我看過很多對伴侶，當一名走偏了，另一名伴侶將對方拉回道上。他們會爲了太太或是先生，又繼續走回這條路，繼續學習知識，繼續修行。我見證過很多、很多家庭是如此。不過，相反的，如果兩人方向不同，而其中一人不是在這條路上，很可能會阻擾另一人。這也可能發生的，但不一定是必然發生。
問：擁有強大念力的秘訣是什麽？請你告訴我因為我想改掉自己許多的壞習慣。
古儒吉：有3樣東西可幫助你改掉壞習慣。第一，愛。如果你愛某人或某樣東西，那答應他們，爲了他們，你將會繼續保持好習慣。第二，恐懼。當一個人害怕壞習慣將爲自己帶來麻煩，那麽你將會跳脫壞習慣。第三，貪婪。假如有人告訴你戒掉壞習慣後，你將獲得一百萬美金，你必定會戒掉那些壞習慣，因為你想得到那一百萬美金。假如有人告訴你，你若能一星期不喝酒不抽煙，就可以獲得一百萬美金。你會想抽煙嗎？你會繼續喝酒嗎？當然不會了！假如有人告訴你，若你能不抽煙一個月或30天，就可獲得一千萬美金或一千萬歐元，人們會說“才30天？我索性不抽煙35天。我想明確的知道戒煙的天數，因為有些月份是30天，有的是31天的，當然不可能是指29天。既然這樣，我索性不抽煙35天好了。”當你重視那些東西遠超過那些壞習慣時，這些壞習慣自然就會遠離你。所以，透過愛、恐懼或貪婪，你將會停止這些壞習慣。你知道嘛，濫交的情況之所以會大量減少是因爲對愛滋病的恐懼。自從致命病毒AIDS出現後，濫交的情況已經大量減少。同樣的，對更有意義的目標的承諾，能幫助你擺脫這些小小誘惑。
問： 每當我來到靜心所，我感覺我像是愛上這裏的每個人。可是當你離開靜心所，那種感覺沒辦法維持下去。當人們的心沒打開，他們對愛有所保留，我沒辦法從他們身上感覺愛。爲何會這樣？我應如何愛上每個人？
古儒吉：你知道嘛，你可以感覺愛，但不要產生執著，好嗎。而且別嘗試去從他人身上感覺愛。愛是一份禮物，如果愛存在那裏，那很好；如果愛不在那裏，那也沒關係。你不能強迫自己去愛別人。你能強制自己嗎？如果你強制自己去愛，那就不是愛了。放輕鬆，深入瞭解知識，突然在某一天，你發現所有人都是你的一部分，每個人都是一樣的，到時候，愛就不再是動詞，愛就不再是一種行動。你不需要刻意去愛別人，你本身就是愛，你就會明白愛是名詞。你不費力地散發著愛。就是這樣而已。當然，很明顯的是，這不是那種你所謂的交易式的愛。不是那種當你愛上對方，對方回報你什麽的愛。人們的內心在這裡都散發著祥和之氣，所以愛就容易在彼此之間流動。他們瞭解所有part 1 課程要點 – 接受和不要成爲別人意見的足球，而這一切(課程要點)，肯定更容易在這裏實踐，然而我們的任務是讓世界變得如此。那麼在世界各地都更容易活出知識。世界各國的人都在說《生活的藝術》的學員都是臉帶笑容，綻放著無可匹比的光芒、自信和笑容。一直以來人們都對生活的藝術有這樣的評價。
問:敬愛的古儒吉，爲何每當你出現時我們就不自覺掉淚？
古儒吉：當心敞開時，淚水自然跟著來。這是非常自然的現象。每當心敞開，所掉的眼淚都是幸福感恩的眼淚，不是痛苦或鹹澀的。就隨它去，別企圖阻止或刻意加強，隨順自然。
問：我如何知道我現在的姻緣是對的，或者對方就是那個對的人？或是還有其他更適合的？無限感激。
古儒吉：現在聽清楚了，當你能適度的調整自己，你就是適合對方。感情代表調整，代表付出。你先為對方付出，然後等待對方回應。如果你不斷向對方索取時，這段感情就不可能長久。索求摧毀愛。索求和指責摧毀關係。所以，你只需要懂如何稱讚他人及如何改善整個局面，而不是不斷指責，找出他人錯誤。提升他人，應當是你的義務。那麽你將是人人心中“對的人”。當你不刻意傷害他人，大家都會喜歡你。這是第一點。第二，你願意接受指正和改變。你需要耐心接受批評。我現在說的是第三件事情：你必須耐心接受批評。第四點，去瞭解對方的觀點及體諒他的難處。超越文字及行動的去體會他的用心。你知道嘛，當工作了8至10個小時後回家，他們肯定非常疲累。如果他是個生意人，當股市下跌時，他是如此的難過，這時候他會選擇回家尋找慰藉。所以，你應該看到這個情況，身爲配偶應該允許他去表達他的沮喪，憤怒或任何心裏真實的感受。
你知道嘛，當一個人生氣或沮喪時，他只有一個選擇。全世界都認爲他應該把這個沮喪留給自己，沒有人願意和他分享這個沮喪感覺。在別無選擇下，他只好回到家裏，尋找他的另一半。在這個時刻，伴侶應該扮演助産婆的角色，幫助另一半生産。如果一個人經歷分娩的疼痛，而你卻說，“不要生，收起來，收起來，把寶寶收在裏面”，你說他們會怎樣呢?他們能收多久？他們肯定有一天會爆炸。當伴侶感到壓力時，另一半應允許他表達出來，或是說“好，把它下載下來，把它卸下，釋放所有的壓力，不管你要指責什麽東西，儘管指責。你想要打我，或是打你自己，那就去做吧。爲對方預留這樣的空間給他們，讓他們釋放。你也許可以說：“把你今天所承受的一切壓力都放下，不論是股市或其他任何的壓力。”如果一個人在工作上犯錯或碰上不公平的事件，他們會選擇回家，因爲需要一個地方卸下包袱。我想卸下應該是正確的字眼。保留一個空間，讓他隨時都可以卸下包袱。去瞭解他們爲什麽難過、爲什麽不快樂 – 這樣你便能維繫良好的關係。
但，假如你期待對方什麽都不要說，卻24小時對你很好，每周7天，一年365天都對你很好，而你卻時時刻刻挑他們的錯誤，不斷針對他們說“你真沒用，你沒希望了，你這樣..你那樣…”可憐的女人或男人！他們會怎麽做呢？他們覺得自己沒得到支援，沒人幫助他們成長，沒人扶持或鼓勵他們。他們開始感到沮喪，不是嗎？因此，首先我們看到，一個人越偉大，就越能承擔、接納、與調適自己。如果你能調適自己並與任何人和睦同處，那你就會變得更棒。否則你將不進反退。假如你知道你的接受度只有10％，那麽當你的接受度降到零的時候，你肯定會很痛苦。那麼你的人生不可能有任何成長。真正的智慧能讓耐心從零開始成長至100％。
問：我不明白我們爲何要來到這裏？爲什麽我們在人世間的時間那麽短暫？爲什麽我們必須經歷年老衰弱？我如何才能停止索求別人的肯定和愛？
古儒吉：這是個好問題 – 爲什麽我在這裏？我應該做什麽？繼續追問下去。當你不斷追問這些問題，你不是變成瘋子就是變得很有智慧。我希望你成爲後者，變得更有智慧，好不好？別告訴我瘋子也很有智慧。事實上，有智慧的人有時候也會很瘋狂。
問:最敬愛的古儒吉，我感覺到自己很幸運能與您共處在同一條(靈修)道路上。我希望更多人能有這樣的體驗，並且因活出知識和靈修練習而變得更快樂。但是有些人就是不願意聽，不願意進一步瞭解我的分享。我如何才能更快速地與有需要的人分享？是不是他們的時機未到？
古儒吉：不，千萬不要認爲他們的時機未到。你只需繼續作你的工作。你繼續分享，你不需要強迫每一個人，但是慢慢地引導他們進入這個知識。我們持續這樣做。
Uplift the other, this should be your commitment
Bad Antogast, German ashram, Dec. 25:
Q. Can a relationship enhance or suppress your spiritual growth?
Sri Sri: Yes, both can happen. If your partner is also on the path and understands you, it can enhance you both. If one is in doubt, the partner will help you to get over the doubt. If one is not doing the practice, the other one will pull them to do the practice and give them encouragement. Make them move on the spiritual path, so that much help comes from that. I have seen many couples - when one is going astray from the path, the other will pull them back onto the path. Because of the sake of the wife or husband, they continue being on the path, on the knowledge, on the spiritual path. This I have seen happening in many, many families. Though, on the contrary, if both go in different directions and if one of them is not really on the path, it can be a hindrance for the other. It can be, though not necessarily.
Q. What is the secret to having a strong will power? Please tell me as I have so many bad habits that I would like to change about myself.
Sri Sri: Now, three things can help you to get over bad habits. 1. Love- If you love somebody or something, then promise them for their sake that you will continue the good habits. 2. Fear - When there is a fear that this bad habit is going to bring great problems to me, then you will get out of it. 3. Greed - If someone tells you that by leaving this bad habit, you will get a million dollars, you would not do that (the bad habit), you want a million dollars in your pocket. If someone tells you, don’t drink or smoke for the next one week, then you will be entitled to one million dollars. Will you smoke, will you drink? No ways! If someone tells you that you will get 10 million dollars or 10 million Euros if you don’t smoke for one month or 30 days, they will say, ‘Why only 30 days? I will not smoke for 35 days. I am sure of the number of days, as I want to be sure. Not 29 days. Some months are only 30, some are 31, so let me do for the maximum of 35 days’. Because you know, when you value some thing much more than the habit and you know that you are going to get that, then the habit will drop out of it. So through love, fear or greed you will stop doing it. You know, promiscuity has reduced to a great extent because of the fear of AIDS. After the dreadful disease of AIDS started appearing, then promiscuity came down to a great extent. So similarly, commitment to a higher cause can help you get over small little attractions.
Q. Whenever I come in the ashram, it feels like I am in love with everyone here, but when you go outside, it is hard to maintain this feeling. When people are not open, they embrace the feeling of love . It is hard to feel love for them. Why is it so, how to love everyone?
Sri Sri: You know, you feel love but don’t get attached to it ok, and don’t try to feel love for others. Love is a gift. If it is there , it is there, if it is not there, it is not there You cannot force yourself to love somebody. Can you impose? If you do it, it will be contrary to what is. You just be relaxed and go deep in the knowledge and suddenly one day, you will find that all are part of me and everybody is same. Then love is not a verb, it’s not an action. You don’t have to love somebody, you are love, you will understand that love is a noun. You are simply there as a sparkling love. And that’s it. Yes, obviously, it’s not the give-and-take love of which you are talking about. You love somebody and they gave you something. Here people radiate that peace so it is easy. They know all the basic course points of acceptance and not to be football and all these things. Definitely, it is much easier here and our job is to make the world like this so that anywhere in the world, it becomes much easier. All over the world, people say, ‘Art of Living people have a smile on the faces’. There is a certain radiance, a certain confidence, a certain smile which is unparalleled. People comment on that all the time.
Q. Dear Guruji, why do we cry in your presence?
Sri Sri: When the heart opens, tears flow. It’s quite natural .When heart opens and these are not bitter or salty tears, they are sweet tears. These are tears of love, of gratitude. So let it be. Don’t try to stop it or don’t try to enhance it, just let it be.
Q. How do I know that I am in a right relationship or the person is right for me? Or I am right for the other? Many thanks.
Sri Sri: Listen to one thing now, you are right for the other person when you can adjust. Relationship means adjustment, it is giving. You give what you can to the other person and wait for them to give back to you. If you are demanding from the others, the relationship is not going to last long. Demand destroys the love. Demand and blame destroys relationships. So, you should only know how to praise others and uplift a situation instead of blaming, finding fault. Uplift the other, this should be your commitment . Then you are the right person for anybody, and everybody will love you when you don’t hurt them intentionally. This is the first point. Number one. Second, you are open to correction and changes, you have the patience to listen to criticism. Three things, I am counting. You have patience to take in criticism. Fourth, you know the other persons’ point of view, or where the shoe pinches, you know. You should see the other person beyond their words and their actions. You know, when someone is working for 8 to 10 hours, when they come back home, they are very tired. If he is a businessman and when the stock markets fall, he is so upset and he comes home to find solace. So you should see the circumstance, situations, how the spouse is and allow them the space to express their genuine feelings of frustrations, anger whatever.
You know, there is only one option when a person is angry or is frustrated. The whole world expects them to keep the frustration to themselves, no one wants to share their frustration, but when they come home it is with their spouse. They explode and express and show all their frustration. At that time, the spouse should be there like a midwife - allow them to deliver. When someone is in labor pain, and if you say, ‘Don’t deliver, keep it, keep it, keep the baby inside.’ What can they do? How long can they keep it inside? Somewhere they have to explode. When they come with their stress, the spouse should allow them to express. Say, ‘Ok, download it. Download. Let go of all your stresses, ok whatever you want to blame, blame. You want to beat me or beat yourself, do it’. Then, you know, keep that type of space for them to un-stress and download. What you can say is ‘Let go of all that you have carried all the day, all the stress of the stock market or whatever else.’ If a person commits a mistake in the work place or injustice is done to him or her, they come back and they want some place to offload it. Offload is the right word I think, offload all that thing and one must keep that space for them to offload. Understand why there are upset, why they are unhappy - then your relationship will work.
But if you expect them not to tell anything, be nice to you all the 24 hours, seven days a week and 365 days and find fault with them all the time. Pricking them that ‘You are useless, you are hopeless, you are this, that...’ Poor lady or man! What will they do? They find that they have no support. Nobody is helping them to grow, helping them, uplifting them and then they get depressed. Right? So first, we will see. Greater is the person who has greater capacity to absorb, accommodate, adjust with anybody. If you can adjust with anybody, that much greater you are, you know and the degree can come less, less, less. If you know your acceptability is only 10 percent, then you are thoroughly miserable if it zero percent. There is no way you can grow in your life. Wisdom is to have this patience, grow from zero to one hundred percent.
Q. I don’t understand why we are here, why are we here for such a short time? Why do we have to grow old and weak? How do I stop wanting and needing others’ approval and love?
Sri Sri: This is a good question - why am I here, what do I do? Keep asking. When you keep asking these questions, either you go crazy or you become wise. I wish you become the latter, become much wiser, ok? Don’t tell me crazy people are very wise. It’s the other way round - wise people are sometime crazy too.
Q. Dearest Guruji, I am so fortunate to be on a path like this with you. I want more people to get this experience and be more happy by living in the knowledge and practicing the technique. But some people are not willing to be approached nor understand when I would like to share. So how to speed this to the people who are in need? Maybe their time has just not come.
Sri Sri: No, no don’t think their time has not come. You keep doing your work. You keep telling, you don’t have to push everybody but gently you have to facilitate people to get into the knowledge. Yes, this is necessary.
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